Life usually goes crazy when you least need it to.
This two week wait has been insane. To start the madness we had a family/close friend crisis take center stage. Everything went downhill from there. Here is how everything starting getting wonky:
I started taking pregnancy tests seven days after ovulation. I know that is too early to expect a positive, but I needed to fuel my obsession to pee on a stick. After the pregnancy loss last year, I would rather know as early as possible if we do conceive again. I did not expect to see two pink lines that early, but I took the tests anyway to calm my anxious mind.
Of course there was no second line in the three minutes after taking the test. No big deal. It was too early to get a positive. Except that there was a super faint line on the test a few hours later. Ok. That was probably just an evaporation line.
Day eight, same story. Negative in the morning and a ghost line of pale pink a few hours later. Two evaporation lines? Sure, maybe. I have been told time and time again to not read the tests after the time limit on the box. Apparently, I am a glutton for punishment and I suffer from Oppositional Defiance Disorder because I insisted upon looking at those pregnancy tests several dozen times over the next several hours. (Days.)
I held my urine for hours and drank very little fluids because I was going to test again in the evening. (Did I mention the glutton part?) If you read enough online, you can always find a story that convinces you that maybe this will be your lucky month. There is always someone who has defied the odds and scientific beliefs.
Lo and behold, a second barely there pink line appeared several hours later on that test, too. It was getting almost ridiculous at that point. Never before have I had that many evaporation lines in a row. Believe me, I have inspected every test I have ever taken dozens of times just in case I see a positive magically appear. I have had maybe one evaporation line ever before this bizarre cycle.
Day nine of my cycle… again with the pink shadow appearing. This time it did not take as long as the others, but it was definitely there. Maybe it was there. I can no longer trust myself to read a pregnancy test as I fear I will always see something that isn’t really there.
Another test after work, of course. I wait to take the test until I feel like my bladder might actually explode from the pressure. Stark white. Until an hour later. This time I decided to call in back up. Hubby is called upon to inspect the stick.
Hubby never sees pink shadows. Poor man, his eyesight has gotten so bad over the last few years he has taken to reading large print books. I didn’t expect him to see the imaginary second pink line as much as I needed to hear that I was officially losing my mind.
I see something in there.
What? You see it, too? Seriously?
“Maybe I just want to see it, but I think I see it.”
This exchange only fueled the fire. By this point I have run out of tests. Bless him, my hubby suggested that we go buy more. At 9:30 in the evening, we traipsed down the rural road to buy tests before the store closed at 10:00. Since he had never supported me indulging in frantic test taking, I took this as a good sign. He felt positive about the possibility that we had actually gotten pregnant again.
One more the next morning for good measure. This time we have a different brand and feel like there is no way that two brands will produce identical results. Like all the others, blank at first with a faint line appearing later. This time I called on my best friend to either tell me I was completely nuts or that there was in fact a light line visible in the right light.
She saw it, too.
At this point I have taken 6 pregnancy tests and all six have had what I have to assume is evaporation lines. Well, I should assume they were evaporation lines. Like every other woman obsessed with trying to conceive, I tried telling myself that, but deep down I held onto hope.
The rest of the week to follow soon. It only gets crazier from here.